Glenn Beck has launched a clothing company and it’s fucking awesome.

In fact, it’s more than awesome. It’s a sign–loud and clear–to all the poor, misunderstood Ayn Randians out there, that it’s go time. A movement has begun, a movement to “re-shore”–to bring manufacturing back to the U.S., and clearly the hippy bastards have gotten the jump on the true Drivers of the American Economy. Dudes with beards in places like Portland and Minnesota are welding up bicycle frames and selling them to people. People are making their own ceramic tiles, throwing their own pottery, and actually selling those wares on places like Etsy, no venture capital or family connections required.

This is not what the rebirth of American manufacturing is allowed to be.

No sir. The rebirth of American manufacturing will be led by true patriots. Men (sorry, women) who appreciate how things used to be. Before they were born. In movies.

Men like Glenn Beck are stepping up to make sure the shit that gets made in America is every bit as unnecessary and soul-less as the crap we usually buy from China. Stupid hippies. You’re not supposed to actually make shit by hand! You’re supposed to make commercials about how you make stuff by hand.

Preferably commercials as fucking weird as this one (the audio here’s been edited to poke fun at Glenn, but no shit, this is the actual commercial).

No, seriously. That’s a real commercial. You can see it with its actual sound–which is even funnier somehow–at the TheDailyBeast.com.

I can’t really imagine a combination of images, words and music that could better convey: “We don’t understand this whole ‘make shit’ movement even a little bit, but we’re going to capitalize on it aggressively.”

But of everything that’s wrong with this company–the premise, the racially insensitive “Indian Chief” logos, the pathetic attempt to comprehend (let alone “capture”) the actual spirit of doing something with your hands, the sheer bullshit factor and conceit of it all–this is the most amazingly wrong thing:

The “Christmas Sweater.”

Take that, anyone trying to actually make something in America. Glenn Beck, arguably the greatest comedian of the 21st Century, has created a true American company–a company built on principles, true American values, and skulls wearing Santa hats.

As batshit crazy goes, that’s fucking brilliant.