Jan 132012
 

Today, a special weekend bonus post in honor of facing down the big guys without flinching.

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions of Specialized Bicycles:

  1. Stop picking public fights with kids much smaller than you.
  2. Once engaged in fight with kid much smaller than you, stop closing eyes and scratching blindly at opponent while screaming hysterically.
  3. Propose introducing new bottom bracket standard, BBFU78, out of pure spite.
  4. Institute mandatory 30-day waiting period before communicating with Legal Department.
  5. Mid-day company wide massages now mandatory.
  6. Free “hippie dipshit” anger management consultant from company dungeon.
  7. When Mr. Sinyard gives you press release he typed himself, tape original copy to inside of latest Bicycle Retailer and Industry News and tell him everyone thought it was “awesome.” Burn after 10 days.
  8. Finally gain courage necessary to put on favorite Sidi shoes for morning commute to work.
  9. Abandon fruitless patent litigation against Apple regarding “device one touches.”
  10. Erase Volagi Liscio with Photoshopped “S” logo from 2013 catalog.