I’m about to put an idea in your head. Seriously. Like all ideas, it’s a little scary, and it does suggest you start paying attention to the world around you and stuff, but it’s not a bad idea. In fact, it’s probably a very good idea. Still, I know ideas really upset some people, so I figured a heads up was in order in case you want to just skip the next few paragraph. OK, here’s the idea:
People have become things. I meant this literally. Pay attention to nearly everything you read, and I promise you’ll notice. The word “who” has been almost entirely replaced by the word “that.”
I don’t know what this means, or who’s to blame–though I suspect it’s a side-effect of reality television and “Me First!” culture on the skids. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, though, that this new grammatical quirk is happening at the same time mixed martial arts is more popular than ever and at least some part of America thinks hospitals should let some people die. Check out the “fuck you” face on Alpha Male Model up top there. He and his swooning girl can be found on the Kohl’s site, where once famous cycling industry maverick Michael Ball’s bankrupt company crash landed. Do you think that man regards you as a person? Be serious. He doesn’t even regard “his girl” as a person, let alone your sorry Levis-wearing ass. While it’s not the model’s fault his photographer kept yelling, “Look like a nasty asshole, yeah! Like a mean thoughtless prick! Nice!” the fact remains that dickishness is in, and it’s hip to regard others with a mix of disgust, contempt, and obliviousness–as “those people that we don’t know.” We’ve stopped seeing people as people, and it’s showing up in our speech and our writing. Grammatically, we’re walking around in a near permanent state of asshattery when it comes to our fellow man.
If you skipped those last few paragraphs, skip this one, too, because I’m not done yet–or read it with no context, which might make it almost fun. Offering examples is ridiculous because they’re everywhere, but I’ve noticed the problem is particularly rampant in business web articles, suggesting that as corporations became people, people became things. Here’s an article, for instance, that offers productivity tips for “People That Hate GTD (Getting Things Done)”. Well sure, you’re thinking, cold hard business tracts about ruthless shit sometimes read even better when humans are debased, but that’s just business. But explain “Those That Believe,” a sweet little web article that argues salvation will be granted to everybody, not just some of us, while grammatically disposing of each and every one of our souls.
Maybe we have the word “whom” to blame, a simple word that’s as mysteriously unknowable as Ahab’s white whale and as terrifyingly unfriendly as Ridley Scott’s aliens, all at once. Did the fear of “who vs. whom” lead us to stop regarding each other as human beings? Who knows?
One thing I know, however, is that the new Santa Cruz Tallboy LTc is one badass looking bicycle.
See, and you didn’t think I was going to mention bicycles at all today.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.